Partner Power: Ways You Can Offer Your Support During Pregnancy

Like any family member or close friend, your partner can play a big part in your support circle and have roles similar to those of a doula! Utilize this pregnancy to become familiar with doula practices, and be sure to reach out locally to see which ones offer partner coaching. (P.S. I do–virtually and in person!)

If you're expecting and want to ensure your partner is fully engaged and supportive, or if your partner is pregnant and you catch yourself wondering how you can help support them, check out this list. In fact, if you're pregnant, go ahead and pass the phone to your partner now. This is for them.

1. Active Listening and Encouragement

Navigating this journey can feel like an emotional rollercoaster, filled with the ups and downs of pregnancy. By actively listening to your partner’s concerns, you strengthen the bond between you two, creating a safe and comforting space.

Here are four thoughtful questions you can ask your pregnant partner to demonstrate active listening and support:

1. How are you feeling emotionally and physically today?
2. Is there anything specific I can do to support you better right now?
3. What has been on your mind lately?
4. How do you feel about the upcoming appointments? What questions should we ask the doctor?

Tactile and easy to do in the moment, questions immediately provide comfort and connection: 

• Let’s get takeout. Where do you want me to order from?  
• Let’s look at the registry and show me some things you are excited to have.
• Show me something I can do in the nursery that will bring you peace and excitement.
• What hurts today? Feet? Back? Let me massage it out, honey.

What NOT to ask your pregnant partner:

1. How much weight have you gained? Anything at all that is portrayed toward her ever-changing body is dangerous territory. Instead, constantly remind her, touch her, and tell her how incredibly beautiful her changing body is for you. By the way, read her desire ‘level’ for sex carefully. Affection is wonderful, she may want to have sex more often or not at all while pregnant. Either way, it’s completely normal.
2. I understand that you are_____ (hormonal, anxious, etc.) but why ____? You may have empathy for her, but your experience is completely different than hers. These statements sound like they could be understanding; however, it comes off as invalidating her feelings. Trust me, she knows she feels all the feelings on an exponential level. She doesn’t need to be reminded by her partner.  

2. Attending Prenatal Appointments

Attending these appointments together will help you better understand the process and allow you to ask any questions you may have. I know, you may not have any questions, right? When you are there, notice something that you are unsure of and seize the opportunity! Plus, being there can provide emotional support. Even just holding hands during an ultrasound or hearing the baby’s heartbeat together creates special memories. These moments can help you both feel more connected as a team, preparing for the exciting and sometimes overwhelming journey ahead. ❤️

It’s a way to show, "We’re in this together." And that kind of presence speaks volumes!

3. Helping with Discomforts

As your partner’s body changes with her growing baby, she will experience all kinds of physical discomforts, such as back pains, swollen feet, and fatigue. Here are some tactile ways to help her.  

Bring her extra pillows.  

There are pregnancy-specific pillows; however, I loved my little ‘bolster’ style and throw pillows the best. One night, I remember my husband counting my pillow palace. Eleven. I was using 11 different types and sized pillows, but you know what? I was comfy and sleeping like a baby!

Massage!

Tell her to communicate exactly where things are tight and where they hurt. She needs to explain exactly where the pain is and how much pressure and how deep to massage. Guess what, this is excellent practice for communication during labor! Practice, practice!

Prenatal-specific body work.

There are several different methods doulas use to alleviate pain as well as help prepare mom’s body for labor and delivery! Some of the most common and effective are “Spinning Babies” and “Body Ready Method.” Please check with your guys’ OB before doing the stretches. Better yet, ask a doula to visit (or demonstrate virtually) how to teach you the correct way so you know what specifically you should be doing.  

4. Household Tasks & Self-Care Opportunities

Your can take on the household responsibilities  to take a load off your partner’s plate. Cleaning, cooking and running errands for your partner can allow them to relax.

This gives them the free time to unwind and nurture themselves without worrying about responsibilities.  While you take care of responsibilities, they can take a much needed nap, go for a nice walk, practice meditation and yoga, read a book, or any other hobby that fills their cup!  

Not sure what your hobby is, Mamas? Try something new! Join a local mom’s group and see if they have any community events coming up. Explore gardening. Think about what you enjoyed in childhood. This can shed some light onto adult interests.  

5. Research, Build, and Revisit Your Birth Plan…Together

A way to ensure you and your partner are on the same page, is to go over your birth plan together. Doing this helps your partner understand your expectations as well as know their role during childbirth. When you talk about this early, you both will feel more empowered and prepared as a unit.

Where do you start?  Look through this and have a conversation with your partner.

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This is a great tool that I use to begin the conversation between mom and partner. When creating and thinking through choices, you are her advocate. You are her greatest voice when she is in the moments of labor. You will be able to clearly tell her nurses her needs and wants for her labor experience. She will need you to understand what she wants. Making decisions during labor is very distracting and confusing. Being a part of her vision prior to labor is crucial.  

6. Education and Preparation!

When you both are prepared for your baby, you go in with a clear head, informed with choices and ready to take on parenthood. Taking classes together is a great way to bond and prepare for childbirth and early parenting. Reading pregnancy books (from partner's point of view too!), and parenting books can also help educate you on your new role as a parent. Here are two of my favorites:

1.  The Birth Partner
2. We’re Pregnant!  The First-Time Dad’s Pregnancy Handbook.

Depending on your partner’s birth plan, determine which books she may be interested in reading together. There are books geared toward hypnobirthing and others covering every type of medicated birth. Being engaged is key here.  

That being said, being a supportive partner can really ensure your partner’s experience is filled with joy and empowerment from teamwork, care, and understanding. Remember, the bond, support, and love you share now, strengthens your relationship and the foundation of your baby’s future!

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